Mami and Papi

Mami y Papi

Today I heard the most beautiful sound… We went to drop Daniela off at my mom’s, her father Daniel is a wonderful cook. He made soup for us all, we sat, ate, talked and had a wonderful time. Daniela has been particularly clingy and she was adorable as always, in spite of being exhausted. When it was finally time to leave, Daniel surprised me, surprised us all, when he told Daniela, “Kiss Mami and Papi goodbye…” My heart skipped a beat. It was such a beautiful sound. It was the most beautiful thing I had heard in a while. I realize I cannot let the hope in my heart carry me away, but I enjoyed the moment thoroughly nonetheless.

Earlier while we were all talking, Daniel told us that his eye sight is getting worse. That he doesn’t go out at night because he can’t distinguish things in the dark. As his health gets worse, I know he is thinking more of Daniela. Please say a prayer with us that Daniela can be taken care of. 

Fasting and Prayer

Our family will be having a fast and prayer tonight because another opportunity to adopt Daniela has presented itself. We believe strongly in the power of prayer and fasting. We are praying to have the Lord guide this process and support all of the adults in Daniela's life to do what is in her best interest. That our hearts will be touched and illuminated in what the Lord would have us do. We invite you to join our family in fasting and prayer. We know there is strength, comfort and illumination when hearts and spirits are united in fasting and prayer. Our hearts are tender and full in gratitude and supplication. Thanks for being part of our miracle in adoption.

Heart felt thanks,

Glen, Claudia and the boys...

Leaps and Bounds!

I’m here in beautiful Moab,Utah staying at the Red Cliffs Lodge for training. Our family usually makes a mini vacation out of it, but this year parent teacher conferences really messed that up for us. The last couple of weeks have been full of learning experiences and opportunities that our Father in Heaven has really taught us how to lean into him. The Lord has been so aware of us, the feelings we have had and continue to go through. This has been an amazing journey, I feel like I have finally taken control back where my infertility left me feeling helpless and not in control. Because the bottom line is, when you have infertility, you are definitely not in control.

As we have embarked on this journey of adoption to grow our family I have learned that being actively engaged in searching for our child gives me a sense of control over my infertility. More importantly, we are on a serious quest to find the rest of our family. If your child were lost, what would you do to find him/her? To what lengths would you go? I feel like our child is waiting for us to find him or her. I feel like I cannot leave any stone unturned when searching. I am grateful I am on this journey now that I am older because I am more mature and secure. I feel very little insecurity speaking to people about our active search for a child. Glen has been nothing short of an angel. He has his own feelings he works through and we get to share them together. We are often 2 sides of the same coin. We end up feeling very similarly or we are a support when one of us is feeling less strong. It has brought Glen and me closer together. The other great milestone we have come to is we now have an official case worker. Her name is Kris Hofelinger-Carpenter with LDS Family Services. If you know anyone who is contemplating adoption please keep us in mind and contact Kris Carpenter at 801-240-9436 or at hofelingkm@ldsfamilyservices.org. We are excited to be working with Kris, she has been wonderful, supportive and informative.

We also had Daniela in our home recently for a visit! It was nice having her again after so many weeks of not seeing her. We fell back into our routine and it was like she had never left. When we came to get her we all could see how much she missed us. Of course we all missed each other. I’m so glad we get to visit with her and again and It’s our prayer that she can come join our forever family. I’m including the most recent picture of Dani from our most recent visit. She is getting so big!

Good news!

We have wonderful news. We officially have a caseworker for our adoption! I feel relieved that we finally have someone that birthmoms can speak to and receive the services they need. I am so grateful! Things are moving right along. So what does this mean for us? Having a case worker allows us to offer birth moms someone to help them through the adoption process including providing services they may be in need of. It allows us to get our homestudy done and be prepared for any adoption situation that may become available. We are creeping along, but moving forward. Keep the prayers coming (they work!) and keep us in mind if you hear of any situations. Thanks for your love and support!

It's late but...

It's late but I cannot sleep... I am missing Dani, I already miss the boys terribly because we had such a relaxing weekend together. My heart is tender and I find myself going down memory lane, wondering what new memories are coming our way... new memories that hopefully will include a sweet angel in our lives, in the meantime, here are some pictures of the sweet angels in my life already....

Me and my brother in a galaxy far, far away...lol. I think Dani and I look a bit a like...

The man that puts a smile on my face...

Glen and I just after our honeymoon... 

One of my favorites...

Glen and I after we were sealed for time and all eternity in the Salt Lake Temple...

We were so tired...lol

Walking out to great our family and friends...

I never get tired of looking into his eyes...

That's my handsome guy...

This is the smile Glen puts on my face every day...

Our Family... Hoping to add more angels...

Grandpa and Sophia... I miss my dad today too... 

My mom is my biggest Angel whenever my kids tell me I'm a good mom, I always tell them it's because of Grandma

This was a great trip to Guatemala. I hope to take the boys there one day. Sweet memories of a great trip....

Mending Our Broken Hearts Through The Process...

I realize that sometimes others can say what I am thinking or feeling better than I can. They are much more eloquent. I think this comes from flip flopping between English and Spanish all of my life. I wouldn’t change being bilingual for anything, but I do forget my words every once in a while. Some things just sound better in English or in Spanish, so I will often say things in Spanish to my husband or stepsons and then repeat it in English (if I can remember all the words...lol) so they know what I am saying. It always amazes me how they know what I am saying, even before I repeat it in English. One more thing I find totally amazing about the boys.

Anyways, like I was saying, sometimes others can say what I am thinking or feeling better than I can. I spoke with the chair person of Families Supporting Adoption

(FSA), so I could volunteer. As I began telling her about myself and our family’s journey through adoption, we both realized that there are many things about adoption that leave us speechless. Sometimes there are no words to describe the feelings that you go through. The joys/excitement are as intense as the pain/sadness is deep and there really are no words sometimes to explain it, unless you’re speaking to someone else who has gone or is going through the same thing. I ran across an adoption blog and found these sweet words of truth that describe this process of adoption, and the personal growth that comes as we have allowed the Lord to lead us in this journey.

“You see, I think many, like me, start the adoption process believing they are going to save a broken-heart, and then we miss God's agenda to mend our own broken hearts through the process. Every single setback, every one of our hurdles, was all for the glory of God in our lives. There was beauty which came forth from each impasse. That said, the pain I felt in relation to those hurdles and setbacks was directly linked to the fears in my own heart from which God wanted me to be free. Adoption is multi-layered. God works every angle -- in their hearts and ours. This is part of why I love it so much.”

I know that the Lord is aware of our struggles and our feelings. The process of mending my own broken heart is necessary and painful. He wants me and our family, to let go of our broken hearts and be refined through this process. Such depths of emotions only our Savior knows them all perfectly. I am grateful for these experiences, that as we go through these experiences as a family, we learn about each others feelings and forgive each others humanity. What an amazing journey our family gets to go through. I keep saying this to Glen, “How did I get so lucky??!!!”

Below the Surface...Finding Deep Strength

Well, to my dear friend @Debbie that thinks I am positive all the time, this weekend is proof positive that I am NOT...lol. I had to have "the talk" with my boys to explain to them why I have been so emotional and why this weekend in particular I am a hot mess. They are so loving and patient. I feel bad that I am so human sometimes. But, they know they are loved, and that I am human, and hopefully that will help them someday along their journey. This weekend I have been feeling quite overwhelmed that we will never find a baby. That things won't work out and that there is so much to do. My dear friend @Debbie reminded me that the Lord brings to us exactly what we need, when we need it. That he is aware of us and our desires, even when we think we have forgotten what we really want, sometimes because we are afraid to wish for that we want the most because of the pain or loss we feel when it doesn't come. I am grateful to my dear friends who remind me that it's okay to be human, (you can't do anything to change that at this point)... and that I am stronger than I think I am when I feel most vulnerable. Thanks Sherri, for reminding me to keep digging for deeper strength. I would only add, that under the surface and on my journey down there for deeper strength, is the Lord, who helps me cut through the ice, resistance and pride and reminds me that from the His well my strength is deepened. Love you Girl...!

This ones just for you Lady!..
Below the Surface ...Finding Deep Strength

When we look back on our lives we see that we have survived many trials and often to our own amazement.

We have all faced moments in our lives when the pressure mounts beyond what we feel we can handle, and we find ourselves thinking that we do not have the strength to carry on. Sometimes we have just gotten through a major obstacle or illness only to find another one waiting for us the moment we finally catch our breath. Sometimes we endure one loss after another, wondering when we will get a break from life’s travails. It does not seem fair or right that life should demand more of us when we feel we have given all we can, but sometimes this is the way life works.

When we look back on our lives, we see that we have survived many trials and surmounted many obstacles, often to our own amazement. In each of those instances, we had to break through our ideas about how much we can handle and go deeper into our hidden reserves. The thought that we do not have the strength to handle what is before us can be likened to the hard surface of a frozen lake. It appears to be an impenetrable fact, but when we break through it, we find that a deep well of energy and inspiration was trapped beneath that icy barrier the whole time. Sometimes we break through by cutting a hole into our resistance with our willpower, and sometimes we melt the ice with compassion for our predicament and ourselves. Either way, each time we break through, we reach a new understanding of the strength we store within ourselves.

When we find ourselves up against that frozen barrier of thinking we cannot handle our situation, we may find that the kindest choice is to love ourselves and our resistance too. We can simply accept that we are overwhelmed, exhausted, and stretched, and we can offer ourselves loving kindness and compassion. If we can extend to ourselves the unconditional warmth of a mother’s love, before we know it, the ice will begin to break.