I realize that sometimes others can say what I am thinking or feeling better than I can. They are much more eloquent. I think this comes from flip flopping between English and Spanish all of my life. I wouldn’t change being bilingual for anything, but I do forget my words every once in a while. Some things just sound better in English or in Spanish, so I will often say things in Spanish to my husband or stepsons and then repeat it in English (if I can remember all the words...lol) so they know what I am saying. It always amazes me how they know what I am saying, even before I repeat it in English. One more thing I find totally amazing about the boys.
Anyways, like I was saying, sometimes others can say what I am thinking or feeling better than I can. I spoke with the chair person of Families Supporting Adoption
(FSA), so I could volunteer. As I began telling her about myself and our family’s journey through adoption, we both realized that there are many things about adoption that leave us speechless. Sometimes there are no words to describe the feelings that you go through. The joys/excitement are as intense as the pain/sadness is deep and there really are no words sometimes to explain it, unless you’re speaking to someone else who has gone or is going through the same thing. I ran across an adoption blog and found these sweet words of truth that describe this process of adoption, and the personal growth that comes as we have allowed the Lord to lead us in this journey.
“You see, I think many, like me, start the adoption process believing they are going to save a broken-heart, and then we miss God's agenda to mend our own broken hearts through the process. Every single setback, every one of our hurdles, was all for the glory of God in our lives. There was beauty which came forth from each impasse. That said, the pain I felt in relation to those hurdles and setbacks was directly linked to the fears in my own heart from which God wanted me to be free. Adoption is multi-layered. God works every angle -- in their hearts and ours. This is part of why I love it so much.”
I know that the Lord is aware of our struggles and our feelings. The process of mending my own broken heart is necessary and painful. He wants me and our family, to let go of our broken hearts and be refined through this process. Such depths of emotions only our Savior knows them all perfectly. I am grateful for these experiences, that as we go through these experiences as a family, we learn about each others feelings and forgive each others humanity. What an amazing journey our family gets to go through. I keep saying this to Glen, “How did I get so lucky??!!!”